That’s Right Nate

Thoughts from a right thinker.

The 60% Solution to Gay Marriage

with 7 comments

gaymarriagemap

This map shows how I would divide gay marriage and non-gay marriage states. The West would be set aside as territories.

In  my article on Miss USA, I promised that today I would present my compromise idea for gay marriage.  Well, here it is.  I think this would eliminate a lot of trouble.

One of the biggest misconceptions about Republicans is that we hate gays.  We don’t.  We simply hate their disgusting and grotesque immoral behavior not the gays themselves.   They cut our hair, decorate our homes, and play lovable sidekicks on our situation comedies.  In fact, there is a group called the Log Cabin Republicans made up of a handful of gay Republicans who shared a cabin together one summer.   We may only have a handful of gays voting for us, but we do have those guys.  We love the sinner, not the sin.

I have been trying to come up with a solution to the whole gay marriage thing so that as a country we can move past it and I think I may have found one.   Let’s face the facts.   Gays really can’t get married no matter what we call it.  It’ll always be different from our opposite marriages.  That doesn’t mean their relationships shouldn’t get some sort of protection.   Even in states that allow gay marriage, homosexual couples actually have to file 2 different tax forms–one as a couple for the state and then seperately for the federal government.  If there is one thing Republicans hate, its complicated income tax.

I decided that gay marriage should count for something.   I guess its better than half a marriage, but how much?  It certainly isn’t worth 75% of a marriage.  I decided in an admittedly arbitrary way that a gay marriage should count for 3/5 of a marriage.   If one gay spouse dies, their partner would be eligible for 60% of survivor benefits.  They would be able to visit a partner in the hospital, but only 60% of the time.  Couples could file jointly, but their savings would only be at 60%.  In this way we recognize their sinful and repulsive relationship and don’t hold it up to the same status as opposite marriage.

I would also suggest that since the states that allow gay marriage are in the North, we should set a line at the Arkansas and Missouri border.  Anything South of that line should not allow gay marriage.  Anything North of that line should allow it, but only as 60% of a marriage.  I guess we would have to have wacko left coast states allow the 60% marriage and it wouldn’t fly in the mountain west at all.   This great 3/5 compromise will allow us to get on with other important issues.  It is an idea whose times has come.

Advertisements

Written by thatsrightnate

April 23, 2009 at 10:02 pm

7 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. This reminds me of something. I’m trying to think what it could be….

    zenyenta

    April 24, 2009 at 8:05 am

  2. Harrumphh!

    equa yona

    April 25, 2009 at 4:18 pm

  3. Its like the 3/5 slavery act. There’s nothing wrong with it give them the full nine yards and the’ll leave you alone with your twisted idealism.

    Shavonne

    October 30, 2009 at 8:00 am

  4. What an idiot! Your so narrow minded. Do you have slaves? Are black people still less than whites? I am sure you feel this way. This has nothing to do with politics. This has to do with human compassion. Get a life and I am thinking some anger management classes, and don’t worry about what others do. This would not affect you. I am sure a lot of people slap hands with you, and you think your hot stuff. But behind closed doors these people can’t believe how obnoxious you are. It is only the most miserable people that get so fired up about this. They are so unhappy in their own lives and with themselves that they have to be hateful to others. Get over it. You sound like a white trash bigot.

    Frank81

    November 10, 2009 at 8:29 pm

  5. You sound like someone who doesn’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re” and who wouldn’t know satire if it fell on him. That’s my kind of guy! Are you single Frank?

    Cecily
    Formerly, Miss Ohio

    cecily

    November 10, 2009 at 8:41 pm

  6. wow… i’m feelin the love.. i’m a lesbian. why can’t you peopl just get over yourselves…??!! we deserve to be happy too. so shut up and do your own thing, while we do ours.

    leah meyers

    February 3, 2011 at 9:46 am

  7. Perfect solution to all the homosexual insanity in Amerika – ship all the homosexuals (fags – lezbos – trannies and anything else in-between) over to CHINA and let them deal with those retarded nutcases over there! Amen!

    Mr_sanity

    October 12, 2011 at 1:28 pm


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: