That’s Right Nate

Thoughts from a right thinker.

GAO Report Overlooks Plucky Misfit Factor

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Like many Americans I was incensed when I read about the GAO report yesterday on security at federal buildings.  The GAO was very negative in it’s condemnation of the guards who are supposed to safeguard our federal buildings:

  • One guard was practicing his quick draw technique in a mirror and shot out the mirror on accident.
  • One guard was working on his for profit adult website on the government computers when he was supposed to be standing guard.
  • One guard let a baby in a baby carrier go through an x-ray machine.
  • At one high-security facility, an armed guard was found asleep at his post after taking the painkiller Percocet

While the report didn’t mention the following, I have no idea there was:

  • One very large and gruff sounding guard with a heart of gold.
  • A guard with unknown musical talent
  • A guard who was doing this job since JFK was President and always falls asleep immediately
  • A wisecracking con-artist guard who is a hit with all the ladies
  • A female guard who is tougher than any of her male colleagues despite being either petite or extremely attractive.
  • A nerdy guard who is a genius with computers

Joe Lieberman in his typical crusty stick in the mud way called the report, “the broadest indictment of an agency of the federal government that I’ve heard.”  Well, it was at least since the 2007 report that found equally atrocious impotetence and neglect, but aren’t we forgetting something here?

I’ve seen a lot of movies over the years from Stripes, to Police Academy, to Reno 911 and I know for a fact that if there is one thing you can count on, it’s that those plucky misfits will always pull through when the chips are down.   I also suggest that if the training these guards received was as bad as the report says, that we let them complete their training on their own.  Trust me on this one. Anybody who attempts to attack a federal building in Washington will have to deal with the baddest bunch of plucky misfits they’ve ever seen.  Undoubtedly, either by dumb luck, team work, or using their talents that they usually use for slacking off these guards will come through in the end.    I advise Joe Lieberman very strongly against pursuing this because in the end, it is always the crusty old by the book guy who winds up with egg on his face.

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Written by thatsrightnate

July 9, 2009 at 12:38 pm

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