That’s Right Nate

Thoughts from a right thinker.

The Peele Family Christmas Letter 2009

with 3 comments

It’s been a very busy day for me today.   I took most of the afternoon and evening filling out Christmas cards to the friends and family who are so important to me.   Since as readers of my blog you are all part of my extended family, I thought I’d share this with you as well:

Dear Friend or Family Member,

This Christmas Card feels like it could be the last one I ever send.   Like gun ownership, private health care, and anything that gives me joy, it has a most tenuous existence under the reign of Barrack Obama.  I have to wonder, why does he hate the Baby Jesus so?   I promised Emily that I would not dwell on politics for the entire Christmas letter again this year, but I really fear for our country’s future.

Last year’s red eye and watery puss is thankfully gone.  Unfortunately, this Summer was the Summer of shingles.   It wasn’t as much a rash as a tingling sensation in my legs, but my glands were so swollen I looked like a puffer fish.   I recovered in time to receive an honorary associate’s degree from Sawyer Community College.  This Fall has been much better although I’ve been going through Imodium like candy, due to recurring diarrhea.  I hope that you all have been blessed with great health this year.

Emily finally lost 5 pounds.   She has such a pretty face and I think if she could drop another 15 and get down to 105 or so, she’d be much happier.   At 5’7″ she just shouldn’t be tipping the scales at 120.   She’s adjusting well to the 7th grade and has a crush on Tom Newman.   Since Tom’s family gets this letter, maybe this will bring the two of them together.   I bet if he talked to her about losing weight it would help.   Last year I mentioned that Emily was getting her period and I can confirm that she is definitely growing up.

This hasn’t been a great 2009, but I have huge plans for the future.  In the weeks and months I’ll be calling most of you to tell you all about a fantastic money making opportunity.  I am convinced that in the years to come, the smoothie and juice bar market will be booming.   As a friend of mine or family member, I am able to set you up with your own smoothie and juice bar franchise.   We can have you opened and operational just in time for the Summer.  I’ll tell you more when I call.

The storage business has been great, but I’ve had to hire more security.  The way we’ve thrived in this rough economy is by increasing the amount of stuff we’re selling from customers who fell behind on payments.   Unfortunately, we’ve had a problem with people showing up a few days late and trashing my office when they find out their stuff is gone.   I’m sorry, but 1st of the month is 1st of the month.  The worst is when they get angry about sentimental value.   If I can get $5 for a painting of your parents, hey I’ve got to make a buck too.

I am finally over Kimberly, but it is so hard just to meet a nice professional woman between 21 and 28.  I’d consider an older woman, but you know how woman my age let themselves go.  Its been 8 years since the divorce and I am still a bit bitter about it.  The details are available assuming you kept past Christmas letters, but the only decent thing to come out of my marriage is Emily.  She’s still a straight A student, but it’s time for her to quit experimenting with liberalism.  I blame her school for that the same way I blame her mom for the genes that make her bloat and retain water.

I’ve been trying to keep in touch with the extended family.   Aunt Patty and Walter are doing better since Patty broke her hip in May.   That’s tough for a woman her age and I hope they have some quality of life yet.  If I break a hip at that age, just shoot me (Patty and Walter, I’m sure you have a long and happy life ahead of you).   Larry Peele got out of prison in Summer and unfortunately, was back in by Fall.  I think he’s got a great case for entrapment.   Katie continues to drive the boys crazy, while getting straight A’s and captaining cheerleading.  I wish her and Emily were closer.  I think she could teach Emily a lot  about making  herself more presentable.  Steve and Janet moved out to Texas.   Steve is still a pest on my blog.   I guess in the Christmas spirit we can wish the Catholics a Merry Christmas too.   They’ll have plenty to explain in the afterlife as well Barrack Hussein Obama.

I had to fight with Kimberly over it, but I will have Emily for Christmas Eve.  Then it’s my annual Christmas Day Taxi Driver marathon.  I watched it 6 times last year, but that’s nothing like the 9 times I watched it the year that Kimberly left me.

I hope you and all your families have a Merry Christmas and a terrific 2010!!

Nate Peele

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Written by thatsrightnate

December 10, 2009 at 9:47 pm

3 Responses

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  1. Dear Nate, Merry Christmas! I hope next year will be better for you and maybe Chicago can host the 2020 Olympics (it’s Rio 2016, baby!). I mean, I know that’s not the reason you’re depressed. It really feels like a waste to see a handsome, serious, and almost rich man without having a woman by his side. So let’s start a campaign to join you and Miss Ohio! Or any other former Miss will do, I suppose.
    I was never a former Miss, but I am a former girl, and I just don’t know if telling your friends that Emily got her period and that she needs to lose weight and that she has a crush on a boy will help her chances. I hope the two of you are still on speaking terms.
    And I’d like to hear more about Steve’s life in Texas! Is just that I don’t see Texas as very welcoming to a fervent Catholic, except if you’re Mexican, of course.
    I wish you all the best!

    Lola

    December 11, 2009 at 12:01 pm

  2. Alas, Lola, it is you he prefers. I have set my sights on Jack Kimble. Congressmen probably don’t make as much as self storage giants like Nate, but, I wouldn’t have to monitor Emily’s food addiction either.

    cecily

    December 11, 2009 at 6:52 pm

  3. Hola Lola from deep in the heart of Texas. Great news down here. The secessionist movement is really gaining steam and today, our Louie — Gohmert (R-TX1) has announced he’s running for re-election to the US Congress. All my fellow teabaggers and I are sure that Louie will soon be president. He’s the biggest teabagger of us all. The weather in Texas is much better for my sciatica. Although, from down here, it’s hard to keep pressure on Emily to watch her weight. Fortunately, Nate sends us pictures after every weigh in. Poor girl. She’d be so pretty if she was as thin as my five beautiful girls. On the other hand, when Nate and I take our daughters to the purity ball in Longview in March, he’ll won’t have to worry about Emily breaking the pledge the way my susan did with that Pump Jacks baseball player.

    Felix Navidad to tu senorita,
    Steve.

    steve

    December 11, 2009 at 9:17 pm


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